....

It's time to admit that I am not okay with anything.

I just pretend I am.

So when I logged in and saw the photos all over my facebook status update page I became and still am severly depressed. I removed everyone from my friend list and this isn't something I will regret later. When it comes to that group of people who I knew when I was with my Ex, I felt like an outsider, now that I am not with my Ex being the outsider has become much more noticable. I didn't feel like I was friends with or belonged with them before and I definatly don't now. The new girl who is or isn't his girlfriend is more apart of that group than I ever was.

I know I wasn't invited to someones wedding because it was a small thing, but when your ex gets invited and his not girlfriend is invited and you see photos of them together playing happy family, it really hurt. And I keep crying, everyday thinking about what happened. And I think that maybe if I was normal, if I was a normal person things would of worked out.

And now he is happy and losing weight and with a normal person. I know that's all I ever wanted for him, but I am not dealing with anything and it's been 5 months.

Contributing to my depression is results. I recently got scan results back from the doctor and found out that I have a rather large cyst on my left ovary which has also made my left ovary enlarged. I got told I needed to have another blood test to make sure the cyst isn't doing things to my body...or something. The doctor says get another scan in 3 months then come back to her. A few days pass and I get a phone call to say to go in 2 months instead of 3 and they never told me anything about my blood test, so now I am really worried that the cyst isn't benign and that there is a possiblity that I have ovarian cancer.



I'm so scared.

I just feel like I am not suppose to be here and thats why all these bad things continue to happen to me.