It's 12:12am.
I have been having an interesting time mentally the past few days. I have missed calls from the doctor on my phone that I didn't check until Saturday when they were closed. I think the doctor is trying to contact me about going on the drugs every second day. I guess if they didn't want me to start doing that, even though it is what I got told to do then they could of rung me after my visit with the psychologist.
I would be rather annoyed if that was the case because I have been taking them every second day since Thursday now and tomorrow is Monday. I really hope I just continue what I am doing since I have already started doing it.
It is rather hard, harder than halving the dose. It's like I have all these emotions hitting me at one time and I don't know how to deal with it. Well I deal with it by eating. I have wasted so much money on chocolate and candy it isn't even funny. Plus I have gained a lot of weight which is making me rather depressed. I have started walking, but I haven't done it everyday because since I started taking the anti depressant every second day I haven't been feeling well.
It is like when I started going on them. I have trouble sleeping, but luckily it isn't every single night. About 2 days ago I stayed awake all night. I didn't sleep until about 8:30 in the morning and when I did sleep I only slept for 3 hours. Then the next day I went to sleep at 4:30am and didn't wake up until a little after one in the afternoon. When I did that I felt guilty about being asleep for so long.
I don't understand my feelings of guilt at all. I am on a medical certificate allowing me to not work for 3 months while I go off medication and I feel guilty about it. I feel like this is a silly reason to not work. Even though if I was working at this stage I most likely would be calling in sick.
Along with feelings of guilt I also have depression, I find myself crying at some stage everyday. It's usually about being unhappy with my appearance since the weight gain and my break up with my ex boyfriend. It's almost like since I was taking medication at that point when we broke up that I didn't really feel the emotions properly. Now everything that happened towards the end of last year is piling on top of me and all at once and I don't know how to deal with it all. I'm hoping in a few weeks this is something that will pass over.
I guess the other reason why I keep getting sad over my ex is because I'm going through something where the person I'm used to comforting me isn't there anymore. Even though I do have someone new now, it's not someone I am used to, even though we have been together now for nearly 3 months. But there is a huge difference between 3 months and nearly 6 years.
As I sit here typing away I get worried that my Mum or Dad will come out for a drink and see me sitting here at past midnight and wonder why I'm still up. They always say I can't sleep because I'm in front of a computer, but that isn't why at all. I have no trouble sleeping after being on a computer or playing Xbox or even drinking coffee. But since I have been on this medication it has effected my sleeping patterns massively.
I've started rambling.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Stop Walking Over My Grave
I'm laying on a bed that isn't mine, watching a TV show I already watched a few hours ago.
I am feeling the effects of week 2 of going off the anti depressant Cymbalta. The first week consisted of dropping the dose in half and taking one every day. Now I have moved onto one tablet every second day. Mentally I think I am doing okay. I have been a bit down and suffering from some anxiety. It's the physical effects that I don't like.
In the first week I noticed the feeling of a shiver out of no where. The kind where you say 'someone just walked over my grave.' I get them a few times a day. Now I also have the thing I can't explain. My whole body will feel weird. I always refer to it as an inner swoosh. Whatever that even means. But I absolutely hate it.
I also don't feel like doing much. Although I have started walking. Unfortunatly I have gained quite a bit of weight and I have been told to get a check up with the doctor to make sure my thyroid is okay. I really don't eat that much food to of gained what I have in a few weeks. I'm trying not to be too upset about it and I need to stop under eating and I need to start eating better foods.
1am and I am still wide awake.
Of course I still have trouble getting to sleep...
I am feeling the effects of week 2 of going off the anti depressant Cymbalta. The first week consisted of dropping the dose in half and taking one every day. Now I have moved onto one tablet every second day. Mentally I think I am doing okay. I have been a bit down and suffering from some anxiety. It's the physical effects that I don't like.
In the first week I noticed the feeling of a shiver out of no where. The kind where you say 'someone just walked over my grave.' I get them a few times a day. Now I also have the thing I can't explain. My whole body will feel weird. I always refer to it as an inner swoosh. Whatever that even means. But I absolutely hate it.
I also don't feel like doing much. Although I have started walking. Unfortunatly I have gained quite a bit of weight and I have been told to get a check up with the doctor to make sure my thyroid is okay. I really don't eat that much food to of gained what I have in a few weeks. I'm trying not to be too upset about it and I need to stop under eating and I need to start eating better foods.
1am and I am still wide awake.
Of course I still have trouble getting to sleep...
Monday, March 22, 2010
I Heart Smoking Man
Life is like a box of chocolates....
A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for. Unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So you're stuck with this undefinable whipped mint crap that you mindlessly wolf down when there's nothing else left to eat. Sure, once in a while there's a peanut butter cup or an English toffee. But they're gone too fast and the taste is... fleeting. So, you end up with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts. And if you're desperate enough to eat those, all you got left is an empty box filled with useless brown paper wrappers.
A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for. Unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So you're stuck with this undefinable whipped mint crap that you mindlessly wolf down when there's nothing else left to eat. Sure, once in a while there's a peanut butter cup or an English toffee. But they're gone too fast and the taste is... fleeting. So, you end up with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts. And if you're desperate enough to eat those, all you got left is an empty box filled with useless brown paper wrappers.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Worthless Junk
Here is a lesson.
I recently went to Cash Converters to sell a bracelet I got given for Christmas. I managed to get the person to tell me how much they paid for it and he said around $180. The Cash Converter workers who deal with people selling examined this piece of jewelery and told me that the crystals were zirconia and that not even the silver was worth much of anything. Basically this person who bought me the bracelet got massively ripped off by the place he got it from.
On finding out that the bracelet was basically a piece of junk, which wasn't really a surprise, I threw it in the trash can with a smile on my face.
=)
I recently went to Cash Converters to sell a bracelet I got given for Christmas. I managed to get the person to tell me how much they paid for it and he said around $180. The Cash Converter workers who deal with people selling examined this piece of jewelery and told me that the crystals were zirconia and that not even the silver was worth much of anything. Basically this person who bought me the bracelet got massively ripped off by the place he got it from.
On finding out that the bracelet was basically a piece of junk, which wasn't really a surprise, I threw it in the trash can with a smile on my face.
=)
Mmm...Penicillin
If you ever look at a red spot on your body and think 'what the hell is that?' You should probably see a doctor sooner rather than later.
I thought I was getting a boil but it appeared not. The doctor said it looked more like a bite from a spider or some kind of reaction to a mosquito. I don't remember getting bitten, it wasn't itchy, just rather painful to touch and my leg was in agony when trying to walk. It turned into some massive swollen lump on my thigh and by massive I mean maybe a few 50c coins in a circle.
I got given penicillin which I haven't taken in quite some time and I have to take 4 tablets a day and each tablet is 500mg. For some reason my body doesn't like any type of medication like that and it makes me really sleepy. I hate it.
I think I have 2 days left of tablets. I am really looking forward to not taking them any more.
But the 'bite' is clearing up and now looks like a yellow bruise. Still in a rather large circle.
I thought I was getting a boil but it appeared not. The doctor said it looked more like a bite from a spider or some kind of reaction to a mosquito. I don't remember getting bitten, it wasn't itchy, just rather painful to touch and my leg was in agony when trying to walk. It turned into some massive swollen lump on my thigh and by massive I mean maybe a few 50c coins in a circle.
I got given penicillin which I haven't taken in quite some time and I have to take 4 tablets a day and each tablet is 500mg. For some reason my body doesn't like any type of medication like that and it makes me really sleepy. I hate it.
I think I have 2 days left of tablets. I am really looking forward to not taking them any more.
But the 'bite' is clearing up and now looks like a yellow bruise. Still in a rather large circle.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Hello Pretty
Today I went to a pet store and looked at birds.
I would get a bird for a pet if I didn't live at home with someone who has a phobia of birds. They had a few parrots that liked to follow me around in their cages. They are all so bright and colorful and I fell in love with them.
I also fell in love with a canary that was yellow and pink and a little red finch. I never thought I would be a bird person. They just seem so curious with you all the time.
When I ever get my own place I definatly would purchase a bird to have as a pet.
=)
I would get a bird for a pet if I didn't live at home with someone who has a phobia of birds. They had a few parrots that liked to follow me around in their cages. They are all so bright and colorful and I fell in love with them.
I also fell in love with a canary that was yellow and pink and a little red finch. I never thought I would be a bird person. They just seem so curious with you all the time.
When I ever get my own place I definatly would purchase a bird to have as a pet.
=)
Monday, March 15, 2010
Rains Are 'Ere
Last night I had trouble getting to sleep.
The past few weeks sleep has been more like a chore. The dreams started again. Those vivid and bizarre images coming out of my imagination. I am no longer dreaming of people wanting to kill me. I guess that's a good sign that things are getting better. Getting to sleep is the hardest. Once I am asleep it's usually not broken for a good few hours.
I start going off my anti depressants today. I'm both excited and scared at the same time. They have reduced my dose to 30 mg a day and I am to take that amount a day for a week. I then have an appointment booked next week with my psychologist to see how I am going on 30mg. If I am okay, then I start taking the tablets on alternative days for a week or so and then stop all together. But if I am not okay, then I have to take 30mg for a month or a bit more so my body can adjust.
In other news our cat, Lou Lou or better known as lubemobile or lubatron has become increasingly more annoying. Especially if she is sleeping in my bedroom at night. There is no getting rid of her. If my door is shut before she gets the opportunity to get into my room she will cry to my Mum to let her outside, then she will jump on my window and cry for me to let her into my room. Lou Lou sleeping is no problem, I can handle that, it's when she wakes up and wants to wake me up for pats. On more than a few occasions I have awoken to her just sitting next to me staring at me for me to wake up. Talk about freaky.
It's 11am and I have not even eaten breakfast yet. I guess if I had good cereal I would be more in the mood to be bothered but right now I'm justlooking at toast. Ew.
The past few weeks sleep has been more like a chore. The dreams started again. Those vivid and bizarre images coming out of my imagination. I am no longer dreaming of people wanting to kill me. I guess that's a good sign that things are getting better. Getting to sleep is the hardest. Once I am asleep it's usually not broken for a good few hours.
I start going off my anti depressants today. I'm both excited and scared at the same time. They have reduced my dose to 30 mg a day and I am to take that amount a day for a week. I then have an appointment booked next week with my psychologist to see how I am going on 30mg. If I am okay, then I start taking the tablets on alternative days for a week or so and then stop all together. But if I am not okay, then I have to take 30mg for a month or a bit more so my body can adjust.
In other news our cat, Lou Lou or better known as lubemobile or lubatron has become increasingly more annoying. Especially if she is sleeping in my bedroom at night. There is no getting rid of her. If my door is shut before she gets the opportunity to get into my room she will cry to my Mum to let her outside, then she will jump on my window and cry for me to let her into my room. Lou Lou sleeping is no problem, I can handle that, it's when she wakes up and wants to wake me up for pats. On more than a few occasions I have awoken to her just sitting next to me staring at me for me to wake up. Talk about freaky.
It's 11am and I have not even eaten breakfast yet. I guess if I had good cereal I would be more in the mood to be bothered but right now I'm justlooking at toast. Ew.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Fake News
I have to laugh at the idiots involved.
The news they have heard about the fight that erupted a few nights ago isn't even true, yet they believe what they are being told. It's hilarious. This is what happened...
I received some bullshit email from the liar in regards to money he owed me for something that broke in his possession that he said he would pay for. He had been talking to his slimy lawyer friend about a measly $20 that he said he would give me. I sent him 5 messages in regards to this money over the space of a month. The only reason I sent 5 was because he wouldn't reply. In this email he sends me he says he will consider filing harassment charges about my 5 messages. Which is hilarious considering the amount of text messages I would receive from him on a daily basis. I would get over 50 a day starting at about 6 or 7 am.
Harassment is behavior which is found threatening or disturbing. My 5 messages asking for my $20 was not harassment. What he did to me WAS harassment. Also the sexual harassment I received from him whenever he hung out with me is something that highly bothered me, yet whenever I would mention it to him he would deny he was saying anything wrong.
Back to the story - In this email he tells me he will only pay for half of it but will not travel to my house to give it to me. It looks like someone doesn't know posting mail exists. So we go to his house to collect. When we get there the liar was quite rude to us. Us is my boyfriend and I. Immediately starts lying. Which infuriates me and I start yelling at him. A fight erupts between the BF and the liar. The liar starts yelling out for his Daddy. 'Dad, dad!' Haha. As soon as his Dad comes out he runs for the hills and lets his parents fight his fight.
His red neck father starts calling me a fucking cunt and telling me he will beat the shit out of me. I call him a fucking racist. I stand up to his Dad, no problem. His Dad then becomes quiet for the remainder of the event.
On our way to the car the red neck mother follows us and starts saying shit to me about things I supposedly said but never did. She hits me in the face. I assume she expects me to hold my face and start crying. But no, I hit back. Which is called self defense. I punch her in the head about 3 or 4 times and try to push her to the ground but she's too damn fat.
While I attack the mother, the red neck father and the liar do nothing but stand still and watch. I confront the liar about why he is doing this to me. And the things I am talking about is lying about me to people. The liar can't even look me in the face. I can tell he knows he is caught out. We leave. The end.
Of course, people are being told something else. These people need to know that the liar is a LIAR and a weak little boy who gets his parents to fight his battles for him. The liar hates all of you. The liar jokes about you all, and tells me you all use him. So why are you friends with this person? I'll tell you why, because you are all exactly like him.
I can laugh at this and you because I know what really happened and you're all stupid enough to believe his story.
Sucks to be you.
The news they have heard about the fight that erupted a few nights ago isn't even true, yet they believe what they are being told. It's hilarious. This is what happened...
I received some bullshit email from the liar in regards to money he owed me for something that broke in his possession that he said he would pay for. He had been talking to his slimy lawyer friend about a measly $20 that he said he would give me. I sent him 5 messages in regards to this money over the space of a month. The only reason I sent 5 was because he wouldn't reply. In this email he sends me he says he will consider filing harassment charges about my 5 messages. Which is hilarious considering the amount of text messages I would receive from him on a daily basis. I would get over 50 a day starting at about 6 or 7 am.
Harassment is behavior which is found threatening or disturbing. My 5 messages asking for my $20 was not harassment. What he did to me WAS harassment. Also the sexual harassment I received from him whenever he hung out with me is something that highly bothered me, yet whenever I would mention it to him he would deny he was saying anything wrong.
Back to the story - In this email he tells me he will only pay for half of it but will not travel to my house to give it to me. It looks like someone doesn't know posting mail exists. So we go to his house to collect. When we get there the liar was quite rude to us. Us is my boyfriend and I. Immediately starts lying. Which infuriates me and I start yelling at him. A fight erupts between the BF and the liar. The liar starts yelling out for his Daddy. 'Dad, dad!' Haha. As soon as his Dad comes out he runs for the hills and lets his parents fight his fight.
His red neck father starts calling me a fucking cunt and telling me he will beat the shit out of me. I call him a fucking racist. I stand up to his Dad, no problem. His Dad then becomes quiet for the remainder of the event.
On our way to the car the red neck mother follows us and starts saying shit to me about things I supposedly said but never did. She hits me in the face. I assume she expects me to hold my face and start crying. But no, I hit back. Which is called self defense. I punch her in the head about 3 or 4 times and try to push her to the ground but she's too damn fat.
While I attack the mother, the red neck father and the liar do nothing but stand still and watch. I confront the liar about why he is doing this to me. And the things I am talking about is lying about me to people. The liar can't even look me in the face. I can tell he knows he is caught out. We leave. The end.
Of course, people are being told something else. These people need to know that the liar is a LIAR and a weak little boy who gets his parents to fight his battles for him. The liar hates all of you. The liar jokes about you all, and tells me you all use him. So why are you friends with this person? I'll tell you why, because you are all exactly like him.
I can laugh at this and you because I know what really happened and you're all stupid enough to believe his story.
Sucks to be you.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Correction
The bad guys in this situation did not win.
In the end they remain with nothing.
While we continue to thrive.
=)
In the end they remain with nothing.
While we continue to thrive.
=)
Friday, March 12, 2010
Why Do The Bad Guys Win?
A fight erupted last night and as soon as we left the scene the person involved got straight online and started lying about what happened.
I'm sick of being surrounded by people who lie and they lie directly to my face.
I did not deserve to be punched in the face by someones mother. My BF did not deserve to be called a peodophile. We did not deserve to be threatned with violence.
I'm sick of being surrounded by people who lie and they lie directly to my face.
I did not deserve to be punched in the face by someones mother. My BF did not deserve to be called a peodophile. We did not deserve to be threatned with violence.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Back Is Back
So....
I have not been able to update because the internet at my parents house died a horrible death. Well, more the router. We had to wait until the phone company sent us the new one, they took their sweet time.
Today is 2 months into my new relationship and things are going great. Tonight we are getting Indian food and probably watching a movie, The X Files TV show or playing Halo 3 in 2 player mode.
I now have a new doona cover in my room, it's nice and bright. White, pink and green stripes. Plus new curtains. I finally got some blackout curtains and got rid of the see through purple ones I had. They are white with white silk stripes and it makes my room look a lot nicer and neater.
My hair is now black and blue and I purchased my first pair of high heel shoes. They are black with black netting and go to my ankles. They are quite sexy. ;D
Since I have to shower and get changed for when the BF arrives I cannot write much more. It's 5pm and I have eaten hardly anything today and I want some food!
But I will be back....again.
I have not been able to update because the internet at my parents house died a horrible death. Well, more the router. We had to wait until the phone company sent us the new one, they took their sweet time.
Today is 2 months into my new relationship and things are going great. Tonight we are getting Indian food and probably watching a movie, The X Files TV show or playing Halo 3 in 2 player mode.
I now have a new doona cover in my room, it's nice and bright. White, pink and green stripes. Plus new curtains. I finally got some blackout curtains and got rid of the see through purple ones I had. They are white with white silk stripes and it makes my room look a lot nicer and neater.
My hair is now black and blue and I purchased my first pair of high heel shoes. They are black with black netting and go to my ankles. They are quite sexy. ;D
Since I have to shower and get changed for when the BF arrives I cannot write much more. It's 5pm and I have eaten hardly anything today and I want some food!
But I will be back....again.
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