The X Files is running on my Tv in my bedroom while I sit on my bed playing games online. I kind of wish I had pay TV set up in my room after many nights spent at my boyfriends house who has cable hooked up in his bedroom.
I seem to be addicted to the Lifestyle You channel. Even though most beauty shows make me more depressed about myself because of my weight gain. I just seem to think that only skinny girls are considered to be pretty so now I just feel disgusting. Having a boyfriend that is so thin as well doesn't help.
Also seeing pictures of my ex boyfriend with his new girl who is skinny makes me depressed. I just feel so disgusting and ugly at the moment. Even though the weight gain wasn't due to over eating since I under eat.
No clothing in my wardrobe fits me and since I'm not made of money I can't afford to buy new clothes in the size I need. It's so frustrating trying to figure out what to wear now that will cover my problem areas. Those being my thighs, back and stomach. I also notice that most clothing for people over a size 12 is horrible. One clothing store I went into hardly had any size 14. Grrr.
In brighter news I am off to see Deep Purple play on Tuesday night at the Entertainment Centre. Lets hope my cyst doesn't decide to explode on that night.
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you think you're discusting because you're a size 14? I guess I must be discusting too then. -___- You don't have to be skinny to be pretty, I thought that for ages but fuck what people think. You're you, don't think you have to change for anyone... If you're feeling discusting go for a jog or something in the morning to make you feel fresh, if you don't like the photos, try not to look at them, get out of the house, ask Brendan to take you somewhere, have fun.
ReplyDeleteNo, I feel disgusting with what my body looks like not what size I take in clothing. I'm more concerned that I am gaining weight and still am and it's more likely caused by a cyst on my ovary. But even though the weight gain isn't because of food people will assume I'm fat because I eat too much.
ReplyDeleteA year ago I weighed the lightest I had ever been in my entire life and now I've piled it all back on plus more and I'm incredibly depressed about it.
Even though it has nothing to do with food I feel guilty when I eat now. Which isn't a good sign.
You shouldn't feel guilty. Hayley, you must understand, that if it is an eating disorder, it is because you are under eating not over eating. Don't feel guilty. Honestly. You're really pretty, you have nothing to worry about. You need to eat more, and 3 meals a day, if you feel fat when you are eating, just think, would you rather be unhealthy, sick and have an eating disorder, or be healthy, at a healthy weight. Atleast have toast for breakfast, apple for lunch, and whatever for dinner, something like that, point is you can't just not eat.You will get very sick. You just have to 'batten down the hatches, and wait out the storm', that's what Brendan told me, so I will now say it to you. Just be careful. Don't feel guilty!! If you want to talk, you know my msn, i think?
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